Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Doc, he just hasn't been the same since I took him to see The Ballet Trocadero!

Watch the Ballet Troc's hysterical dying swan!

Can I just vent for a minute? Thanks. You're so sweet. I knew you wouldn't mind.

So do you remember that guy I'm married to? The guy whose "Don't worry so much. It's just probably an ulcer" turned into two months in the hospital and some surgery. The guy whose "They're just stress headaches!" turned into a ten-hour surgery and a diagnosis of a rare blood disorder. Yes, that guy. So now his fractured toe (which would be easily healed by wearing ugly orthotic shoes) has been rediagnosed as a chronic fracture, which means that just by walking on the foot he rebreaks the bone over and over again. And it's not just any old chronic fracture. It's a chronic fracture in a bone that only ballerinas who dance a lot en pointe get. My husband, who has only ever danced with me once, and that was at our wedding, has an arcane injury that only professional dancers get. Well natch.

"What's the treatment for this?" you ask.
"It's SURGERY to get the @#$%ING BONE REMOVED!!!!" (Sorry, I'll lower my voice.) Other people break things and get casts and crutches, and POOF, after a month or so their bones are healed. But not my husband because he's an overachiever that way.

My only consolation is that now I can imagine him getting up in the middle of the night to secretly indulge his long-repressed desire to be a prima ballerina, putting on his pink satin toe shoes and pirouetting through the house while the rest of us sleep.


sageweb said...

wow, what a guy. Do you think he thinks you are sexy when you stress out over him?

thombeau said...

Oddly enough, I was looking at videos of the Trocks just yesterday!

Doralong said...

I'd send him my toe shoes to prove a point, but I rather doubt they'd fit.

OY- he is quite the little over achiever, isn't he?

Elizabeth said...

Sage - Oh, I hadn't thought that he might be doing it on purpose! Grrrr.....

Thom - Nothing odd about it! They're fabulous! In fact:
It's a hoot!

Dora - Oh, he is!

Paul said...

So, like, does all the intricate health issues take the place of a hobby? Has he considered needlepoint or something like that???

The youtube clip is just terrific!

Willym said...

Now we have to get him a stage name - you know the way those English dancers use to take Russian names to make them sound more exotic.

Let's see how about:

Ida Popsiclova

hmmm nope - going to have to think this one over.

yellowdog granny said...

i see karma working here..he was a disgrunted ballarina in another life.

Elizabeth said...

Paul - No, he's never tried needlepoint, but he has had a lot of experience as a pin (or needle) cushion since his diagnosis!

Will - Heda Sickboyska?

YDG- I would like to see a gruntled ballerina!

jason said...

oh my goodness! are you sure he hasn't been sleep pirouetting all these years?

The words "foot" and "surgery" even in close proximity scare the bejesus out of me.

a thousand shades of twilight said...

I like Heda Sickboyska! Just how did he manage to get such a complex injury? I hope it's not too worrying for you all.
Your post brings to mind that beloved Fairy Tale of The Twelve Dancing Princesses...I was always drawn to that idea of Furtive Dancing...

mumbliss said...

Dear Wifova Sickboyska,
We are so apologize to hear the so sad news about Prof Sickboyska's toes and foots. We know Professor is devoted to his excellent dancing career. We are seeing forward to his completed recoverings and we are to pray he will be to resume his magnificence, inspiring, and break-ground dance and choreography in the very near future.
We send our best wishes to all the Nestova Sickboyska, to you, Madam Wifova and to the Professor himself and of course, further requests for more autographs and Photographs,
Thank you for your time in these decades of turbulence,
The official Professor Heda Sickboyska Fan Club

Elizabeth said...

Mumbliss - HA!!!!!!!! Too funny!
Sickboyska is not, it turns out, going to have surgery. Whewski! He might be getting a cast, but I can live with that. If he does we must get the fan club to sign it!
xoxo Leetle Wifova

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mumbliss said...

Well, well, well,
There is a project for you.
a mystery and a little unnerving.
We have a dictionary if you want to pursue the issue.

more cowbell said...

I got here late, so I'm glad to see the update that it's a cast instead of surgery now.

You know, I'm sure that testosterone figures into this somehow. It's usually to blame for world problems somehow.

Love how you tied that pic in. Too good.

Pop Tart said...

Dude, isn't he under factory warranty anymore? Or have you, ah, err, put too many miles on him now? ;)

aa said...