Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Hello my darlings!

Well, the Guinness Book of World Records, the National Weather Service, as well as every other expert in the world has finally determined that this was the Shittiest Winter Ever. I personally went through all of Elizabeth Kubler Ross's five stages of grief about it and added a couple of my own.

1. Swine flu whining - All the kids got it, one by one. Just when I thought any given child was getting better and I might have a quiet day to myself, the next one would get it. Oddly, all my whining did not help them recover.
When that was over, it snowed and snowed and snowed and I responded with:

1a. Denial - "No that is NOT two-and-a-half feet of snow!"
Fat lot of good that did me. So I moved on to...

2. Anger - "God I hate this F**KING snow!" and "I grew up in the tropics! I shouldn't have to deal with this shit!" Again, not the most efficacious method of making snow go away. So I moved on to...

3. Bargaining - "If you shovel the sidewalks I promise I'll make all the dinners forever and ever." Again, fat lot of good.... guess who shoveled (and shoveled, and shoveled). God it's annoying to have a husband with a "serious medical condition" and a surgeon on call to prove same...

4. Depression - "Oh my god, it's snowing again? I am so depressed" ad nauseum. This went on for a loooooooong time.

I might eventually have moved on to acceptance (or not) had I not, instead, moved on to The Deadly Virus That Almost Killed Me. So what I moved onto was accepting antibiotics. All I can say about that is - God I'm glad I live in the age of modern medicine especially antibiotics and I truly accept them as my personal savior. Amen.

5. True acceptance - Spring is here, the snow has melted, and despite the many recent late-spring frost warnings, I accept that winter is finally OVER! Halle(f***king)lujah!

I believe I will survive! (And maybe even start blogging regularly again.)


laurent said...

Yes we were wondering what had happened to you.
Weather in Rome is also terrible, blame it on the volcano. My plan to escape the snow was to make a refugee claim at the Vatican, but then this sex scandal hit. I do not have a plan B.

sageweb said...

wow, Sorry for such a bad winter. things will be getting better..for some reason things always get better in spring and summer


it's 96 here today..sigh*..and all the whinning and bitching in the world won't change it..im glad your posting again..'fixing to send the texas rangers after you'

jason said...

well, thank goodness you're back!
I was beginning to worry.

I see you've been buried under swine and snow and children, it seems?

a thousand shades of twilight said...

It all sounds HORRENDOUS! So glad to have you back, and so glad that you are feeling better! (I must say I was partcularly tickled by your insertion of a 1a in the stages of grief..)

Margaret Benbow said...

So glad you're well! My theory is that no true health can exist during the months when the furnace is on all the time. Here's to dancing in flower garlands in the spring breezes...

Elizabeth said...

Laurent - Ha! Yes, the Vatican isn't exactly a FUN getaway these days.

sage - Thanks honey. Yeah, it was a rough one.

YDG - Oh shoot! I should have waited. It would have given me a big kick to have the Texas Rangers come to my door (either the cops or the baseball team)!

Jason - Aw, thanks for worrying.

1000 shades - Yes, it was a long long winter and, like you, I am DELICATE! and shouldn't have to bear such things.

Margaret - Ah, I like the idea of blaming it on the furnace! (Shakes fist at furnace, which is on even as I write because it is a cold spring day.)