Still waiting

The surgeon's office called today, blithely telling us that they have scheduled surgery for April 1st. That's without our say so, and without us or them consulting any of the other doctors.... Well, that's surgeons for you. We're still planning on talking to all the other docs - the hemotologist and our friend - and trying our best to make an informed decision. This is a very extreme surgery. Basically, they make a three-way transplant cut - like a Mercedes Benz insignia - on his trunk, which also cuts all the stomach muscles. Then they dig around, lift all his abdominal organs out, and tie off any veins that are in danger of bursting, then put it all back in, and sew him up. The surgery itself takes many hours, and the recovery is long and painful. I don't mean to gross you out, I just want to express what a serious decision this is.

My husband, from now on known as the KH (knuckle head), being who he is, is coping with all the stress, by working on the footnotes and illustrations for his book. Surgeons like to cut and academics like to research obscure subjects and write about them. It's a little Twilight Zone-ish for me, though. He started writing this very book five years ago, when he was recovering from surgery. He'd lost a lot of weight from the illness and then the surgery, and I remember watching him - as frighteningly thin as a WWII concentration camp survivor - sitting on our living room recliner with a legal pad in his lap, scribbling away as if his life depended on it. And in a way, it did. Writing his book was what he did to hold on hard to life. He'd been in danger of losing his life, and this book was the one he needed to write before... well, before his death, whenever that might be. So, skin and bones, and barely able to walk, he wrote and wrote, lost in the 19th century and in his own ideas.

He finished that book this January, sent it to his publisher, and promptly got sick again. I'm not usually a very superstitious person, but it does spook me a bit. It feels like this book is some sort of cosmic life insurance, and maybe he should find a few more really important aspects of 19th century culture to discuss before putting the book to bed.

As for me, I'm getting through the waiting by putting one foot in front of the other, focussing on the little tasks of each day - kids to school, kids home, dinner, dishes, watching American Idol with the kids - and trying not to think too much because there will be plenty of thinking to do next week. Just wanted to say, too, that I am visiting your blogs, I'm just too pooped out to leave comments. That's all for now. Keep ya posted.....